We’re beer and we’re wine, coarse and fine
We’re sparkling and we’re flat, thin but still fat
We’re fruity and we’re bready, willing and ready
We’re tame and we’re spicy, economic and pricy
We’re dry and we’re sweet, on the rocks or neat
We’re sour and we’re salty, hoppy and malty
We’re smoky and we’re roasty, earthy and toasty
We’re smooth and we’re silky, stouty and milky
We’re bitter and we’re creamy, luscious and dreamy
We’re subtle and we’re beasty, grainy and yeasty
We’re nutty and we’re woody, clean yet sooty
We’re floral and we’re tart, complex and smart
We’re heavy and we’re light, balanced and tight
We’re warm and we’re chilled, empty yet filled
We’re dark and we’re clear, we’re wine and we’re beer.
We’re the VE team, and our frogs are hoppin
Our stouts have cream, and our corks are stoppin
Our patio plants have flower power, and 3-7 is happy hour
We’re travelers of shandy, curious and tenacious
We’re crushers and destroyers, double and bodacious
We put the BS in KBS and the Hoe in Hoegarten
You say you want a Flounder’s porter, I beg your pardon?
We have seven daughters and two brothers; our house is pretty noisy
If you don’t like our Labrador or his lager, then you might like the framboysy
We’ll give you an old chub for only ten fidy
We’ll kick santa’s butt if he tries to get shitty
Our unearthly hop rockets make positive contact with a UFO
And from the southern tier to the north coast, hemp hop and rye continue to grow
Our steaks are Porterhouse, our seafood’s Oyster Stout
Cause we’re crabbies and lobster lovers with dogfish all about
On our left hand, our iron fist wears a velvet glove
And for 60-90 minutes we’ll give you victory summer love
Like Old Rasputin, we never say die
But eat our yellow snow, and you’ll be a deadguy
At 24 Knots, our dreadnaught on the heavy seas sets course
And our evil twin is a cereal killer and so is his dark horse
Inside our fat heads, our teeth are spooky
And on our flatbreads, there’s a fortune cookie
Like Major Tom, we’re brainless, and conduct ourselves as such
And we turn Dortmunder into Gold with our frightening Midas Touch
We’ll fight the moss back with a sharp panini crust
Cuz we’re zombie killers and peacemakers with belts made of rust
We used blackened voodoo to build a pyramid in seconds flat
While our talented Mr. orangutan pulls a duck rabbit out a magic hat
Our golden monkey is 400 pounds and swinging on a vine
And our golden hen lasts 400 rounds with a heavyweight wine
We’ll beat you wild black and you’ll beat us wild blue
Then we’ll all plead the fifth, and drink alimony ale brew
We nestle right by the fire while sipping Viking Blod
We wrestle down to the wire in Mississippi Mud
We drink old engine oil and wash it down with diesel
In our stockings we want lumps of coal, and the poop of a weasel
We’ll take you to strangeville, we’ll show you rivertown
We’ll send Commodore Perry straight to your livertown
On the beer school final we grade on a curve, and like any great drinkers, we go fast and swerve
We drink monk’s blood, monk’s stout, and monk’s brew from merry monks in monk’s café, and our monks always suffer serious sugar rushes on Barbados
We’ve tamed a yeti, speckled a hen, frosted a frog, paralyzed a fish, and quenched a really old brown thirsty flying laughing leghumpin sea dog
Yes, we’re raging bitches, and we’re double, oak-aged, lucky, dirty, arrogant, backwoods bastards
I’m Fat Head’s Holly Jolly PumpkinHead Ale.
You’re Left Hand Fade to Blackoutta Kilter Wee Heavy Seas Siren Noire J Rockers Son of a Peach.
But we’re all Bell’s Best Brown Stone Self-Righteous AleSmith Speedway Stoudt’s Fat DogFish Head Black and Blue Sunday Sour Black Jack Porterhouse Redstone Vertical Epic Straight Up Saison du Buffalo Bill’s Strawberry Blonde Bitches BrewKettle Ruddy Rye of the Tiger Lager of the LakeFront Organic E.S.B. Nektar Evil Geniuses!
Dave’s an engineer by day, and bartender by night
And Benny’s our enforcer, and destroyer of a flight
Nicole came here from Magic Tree, but we’ll have her all the same
And Justin loves his kitchen shifts, he thinks bartending’s lame
Frank the tank is doing theater and couldn’t be more cool
And Kari’s awesome wine taste treats are always making us drool
Lisa’s got that kind of laugh you have to call contagious
And when Jimmy gets excited you know he’ll be outrageous
If you know how to pour beer, Erika will mix you up
And if you have a boo boo, Dr. Dree will fix you up
Alecia’s mostly down the street, but she’s still one of us
And Michael has a big ass camera, that thing looks dangerous
Constance is off somewhere, dancing and blowing bubbles
And wines that have a screw off cap give Amanda all kinds of troubles
Graig’s our own jack-of-all-trades, and his tabs always linger
And Alyssa’s wearing woolen hats, and pulling Bob’s finger
Maegan’s working early, but a beaming smile is always showing
And Christopher never seems to know WHERE his flatbreads are going
John tries to act serious with his ninja turtles hat
And Dom’s over there flexing, with his 2% body fat
While Phill is sounding gongs, and playing the phooey board
Sandy knows the only glass in which a stout should be poured
Justin Powell’s a wrestler, and a lambic drinker of sorts
And there’s only three feet of snow outside, so James is wearing shorts
If you call Lindsey queenie, she’ll shoot daggers from the kitchen
And Amber will straight up kick your ass if you don’t quit your bitchin
Wendy is humming while making baskets and drinking beer at dawn
And Mark just wants this poem to end so he can get his flip cup on!
Behind us all is Bob and all the kegs he’s tappin, and the backs of our shirts say it clear:
While we might not quite make the magic happen, we’re damn sure proud to work here.










